When LOVE Creates a Miracle – our struggle story

KO LJUBEZEN DELA ČUDEŽE

Ne vem, kje bi začela, ko pa se v meni poraja toliko emocij. Bolečina, žalost, iskanje same sebe, šok, sreča in prva brca. Kar nekaj stvari se je zgodilo v zadnjih letih. Ob vsem tem pa lahko potegnem rdečo nit in življenjski nauk, da je potrpežljivost vrlina, ki vodi do čudežov.

Ni skrivnost, da sem v preteklosti imela zdravstvene težave, ki so mi preprečevale najlepšo stvar v življenu – ko te nekdo pokliče MAMI! V podrobnosti se niti ni potrebno spuščati, vendar pa želim vliti pogum in upanje vsem vam, ki morda prestajate podobne težave. V svojih dvajsetih sem bila dvakrat ginekološko operirana, prvič zaradi teratomov v obeh jajčnikih ter endometrioze, drugič (letos marca) zaradi sprememb na materničnem vratu (CIN 3), zaradi česar so mi odstranili obsežni del materničnega vratu. Kmalu po tem, pa je za češnjo na sladoledu, ginekolog pojasnil, da moj desni jajčnik izgublja funkcijo, zaradi česar nama je priporočal vključitev v program za zdravljenje neplodnosti. Ja, stara sem 30 let, pa imam za sabo že vrsto težav, zaradi katerih sem se v zadnjih letih sprijaznila, da me verjetno nikdar nihče ne bo poklical MAMI.

Glede na pesimističa predvidevanja zdravnikov (ne en, dva, ampak celo trije ginekologi, so mi pojasnili, da imam po 30 letu zelo malo možnosti za zanositev, če sploh), mi ni preostalo nič drugega, kot da se sprijaznim s strokovno diagnozo in predvidevanji ter najdem nov smisel, ki mi bo negativne misli preusmeril v pozitivne. Potrebovala sem pavzo od vsega.

Pričelo se je obdobje nenehnih potovanj, predvsem pa iskanja same sebe. Trudila sem se biti pozitivna in učila biti srečna s partnerjem, četudi brez otroka. Da omenim, če bi v življenju izbirala sopotnika, bi zmeraj znova izbrala mojega Blaža. Toliko ljubezni, podpore, nesebičnosti in skrb za moje dobro. Name ni dajal nikakršnih pritiskov, vsak dan pa mi je pokazal, da sem JAZ dovolj. In jaz sem vsak dan bila hvaležna zanj.

Na drugi strani so mi moj blog in projekti odprli ogromno novih vrat in mi omogočili živeti življenje, ki sem si ga vedno želela. Vsak mesec nov projekt, ki me je popeljal na drug konec, hkrati pa želja po odkrivanju novega, spoznavanju novih ljudi in njihovih zgodb, mi je popolnoma preusmerilo misli in lahko rečem, da sem se ponovno našla. Z veseljem sem se zbudila pričakujoč, kaj prinaša nov dan. Po nekaj mesecih sem bila ponovno srečna in neobremenjena.

Nato je sledil šok. Čudovit šok! Po nekaj dnevih slabega počutja in vrtoglavice je magična paličica pokazala dve črtici, le nekaj mesecev pred mojim tridesetim rojstnim dnem. Bila sem presrečna, presenečena, vzhičena in radovedna, hkrati pa prestašena v upanju, da je to res najin čas (saj veste, do konca nosečnosti se lahko še marsikar zgodi).  Danes, ko pišem ta zapis sem v zadnjem tromesečju, ravnokar pa me je močna brca v trebuščku spomnila, kako sva lahko hvaležna.

BABY_GIRL

Bistvo najine zgodbe, drage moje, je, da četudi ne razumete, zakaj se vaše želje v nekem trenutku ne uresničijo, verjamem, da za vsako obstaja pravi čas. Zato bodite potrpežljive in nikoli ne izgubite upanja, saj prava ljubezen vedno dela čudeže. Z najino zgodbo pa odpiram novo poglavje na blogu Takeoffwithlove, kjer bom delila svoje izkušnje mojega malega čudeža.


WHEN LOVE CREATES MIRACLE

I don’t know where to start, when there are so many emotions going through my mind right now. Pain, sadness, soul-searching, shock, happiness and first kick. So many things have happened lately. But the silver lining is that patience can lead to miracles.

There is no secret, that I had many health issues in the past, that prevent me from the most beautiful moments in life – when someone calls you MOM! I don’t need to go into details, what I want to do is to give courage and hope to all of you ladies out there, who are going through the same problems. In my twenties I had surgery twice, first time I had tumors in both of my ovaries and endometriosis, second time (this March) I had LLETZ treatment because of abnormal cervical cells changes, when the doctors removed a large part of my cervix. Right after that, for the cherry on the top, my doctor said, that right ovary is losing it’s functions and suggested to sign us into fertility program. Yes, I am thirty years old, and I have been through hell and beyond, exactly why I had to accept and come to peaceful conclusion, that probably no one will ever call me MOM.

After all the pessimistic conclusions from doctors (not one, two, but three OB-GYNs explained, that my clock is ticking), I had no other option, but to accept the medical diagnosis and prognosis and find the new purpose in life, that will make me a positive person again.

The period of many travels has begun, especially period of soul-searching. I was learning to be happy with my fiancée, if even without a baby. If I had to pick my life partner again, I would choose Blaž over and over again. So much love, support, patience, selflessness and care for my well-being. He didn’t give me any pressure and every day he made sure, he showed me I AM ENOUGH. I am blessed.

On the other side things were looking bright with my blog. New projects opened so many doors and allowed me to live a life, I have always wanted. Each month, there was a new project that took me around the world, while I was discovering new places, people and their stories. After few months my mind was completely at peace and I felt reborn.

Then there was SHOCK. A wonderful shock that changed my life. After few days of dizziness, that magic wound showed 2 lines, just few months before my big 30 B-day. I was overwhelmed, ecstatic, jumping to the roof excited, yet scared if this time is truly our time (you know there are many things that can go wrong during the pregnancy).

Today, when I am writing this, I am in my last trimester, and the kick in my belly just reminded me how lucky we are. We are blessed and grateful.

Point of our story my darlings is, that even when you don’t understand why it is not happening for you, I do believe that each has its own perfect timing. It might come a big later than expected, but never lose hope, because true love sooner or later creates a miracle.

With love,

Vanesa S.

2 thoughts on “When LOVE Creates a Miracle – our struggle story

  1. Hi Vanessa, thank you for sharing your story! It was so heartwarming! I used to work for Natera a prenatal genetics testing company and use to talk with expecting mothers all the time. Thank you for sharing your story!! You are an inspiration. I am very young and have not thought about having kids anytime soon but I work with pregnant moms and hear their touching stories and struggles and I thank you for being so brave to share your beautiful story! 🙏🏼💕❤️

    Like

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